Intention

One of the offerings that my Buddhist Fellowship community has is a bookclub.  Every 6 months or so, the community is invited to read a book together.  We offer beginner Buddhism books as well as intermediate books.  I find that concept ironic: as Buddhists (as in life), I think we are all beginners.  No one has it all figured out.  You might know a little bit, but there’s always so much more to learn.  As we say in the Bodhisattva vows (and I have written in blog posts before), “The dharma gates are endless.  I vow to open them.”

Currently, I am attending a bookclub on the book “Everyday Buddhism” by Wendy Shinyo Haylett.  In the book, Wendy goes through the basics of Buddhism with the concept of connecting them to our typical Western lives.  The bookclub meets every week and we discuss a section of the book we have read.  Last week we met for the second time.  We discussed a section on the eightfold path.  The eightfold path is a set of guidelines that speak to how we can navigate and alleviate the suffering in our lives.  The section of the book we discussed covered the first 2 items on the eightfold path.  Buddhism refers to these as the wisdom category of the 8.  These are “Right View” and “Right Intention.”  I understand that the word “right” here does not mean anything black and white, as in “right and wrong.”  The word  “right” here refers to the effort of the path.  I can choose to follow the steps on the path or not.  That is up to me, with no judgement or dualism.

In the reading on “Right Intention,” Wendy recommends a practice called, “Everyday Gassho.”  This is a 21-day intention setting practice.  The idea is to have a morning intention and an evening intention.  These intentions are just single words, and the suggestion of each word was provided.  The practice seemed simple enough.  We had some discussion on whether or not we should make this 21-day practice a group commitment.  In the end, we decided to go with “Namu Amida Butsu” -  come as you are.  One is welcome to join in or not.  I made a comment about how I wasn’t going to judge myself if I did or didn’t do this practice.  I wouldn’t put up a reminder note (as recommended in the book).  If I remembered to practice the Gasho, terrific.  If not, it was no big deal.  I believe I probably made this comment more for myself than for the others in the group.  I tend to be quite good at judging myself, as detailed in the blog post, Judge Judy.

The morning after our bookclub met, I woke up and spent a few minutes looking at my phone for the latest email, the latest news, and the latest on The NY Times word game that I always play.  Before I ventured out into the space where I get on Zoom and do my meditation with the sangha,  I remembered our discussion from the night before.  I was going to go to my home alter, take a deep breath in, and say my Gasho word.   What was it?  I remembered it started with an “h.”  But what was the word?  “Hope?”  No, it wasn’t that.  What was it?  Suddenly it was more important that I do the Gasho right then and there.  Suddenly, all those things I had said about it not being important to do the Gasho,  they went out of my head.  It was so important to me, right then and there, that I check off the box and I do my Gasho.  

I rushed into the room with my iPad and I turned on Zoom.  I got into the Zoom meeting, and I kept my video blank.  Then I started rushing around looking for my Kindle, so that I could open the book and find the page with the Gasho practice.  I found the page.  The word was, “Harmony.”  Armed with the word, I knew that when the meditation session was over I could go to my alter, take a deep breath, and say the word, “Harmony.”  I hoped that I wouldn’t forget.

The meditation session started.  I held my mala beads.  I practiced my breathing.  For each bead, I took an inhale and then a longer exhale.  Focusing on my breath my mind started to wander.  I remembered something I had said the night before at bookclub.  When I sit in front of my iPad during meditation, that is my alter.  Seeing the faces of all of my meditation friends, the deep thinkers who share their thoughts and feelings with me on every morning that I choose to come to mediation, they are my alter.  With my eyes closed, and my Zoom session on mute, I took a deep breath in.  On my exhale I said, “Harmony.”

So what is the intention of the “Harmony Gasho?”  It is to set the intention of peace and interconnectedness with those that I meet in my day.  Perhaps it is the intention of interconnectedness with those I talk with on the phone, like customer service folks, or people that I get information from.  Perhaps it is to connect with people I read about in the news, holding my judgements for just a minute and seeing them as people.  People just like me.

When I had woken up that morning I had wondered, “What is that word?  What is the Gasho that I need to do in the morning?   I have to do this for 21 days.  Why would I want to screw up on day 1?”  I don’t think I was in Right Intention.  I think I was in “check off a box” mode.  I was so worried in my head about “getting it right” that I didn’t take any time to think about the intention.  What is the intention for Right Intention?  Is it to tick off a box or to nudge myself in a direction of a more peaceful life?  Is it to exclaim, “Oh I did it!  I did that thing that you asked!” or to find a way to feel more accountable within myself?

I can only laugh at myself in this moment and say, “The dharma gates are endless.  I vow to open them.”