Sitting in More discomfort

Day 1: I noticed 3 or 4 ants crawling up an outside-facing wall in my dining room.  This wall also connects to the kitchen.  I felt uneasy and nervous.  As I said in my previous blog, Sitting in Discomfort, I do not do well with unwanted creatures existing in what I perceive as my space.  Ants are definitely unwanted.  When I see them in my house, my skin crawls.  In addition, I have judgements about ants.  I think they imply dirt and uncleanliness.  If I was a cleaner person, I wouldn’t have ants in my house.

But I am clean!  Just ask my kids.  They think I’m too much of a clean nut.  When they visit, I follow them around, picking up their cups and plates.  I put their food away.  I yell at them for not putting trash in the trash can.  I clean up after cooking.  I take out my trash.  I vacuum.  So why the fuck do I have ants in my house?

Well, it probably isn’t up to me.  Ants can just show up.  Perhaps these ants are hitchhikers; they came on my clothing or shoes from outside.  I just hope they realize there is nothing here for them and they leave.

Day 2:  I noticed a few ants again, crawling up the outside facing wall in the dining room.  I’m feeling my skin crawling again.  I’ve also noticed one on the outer edge of the kitchen counter.  I grab a napkin, and before I can think of the first precept of Buddhism (refrain from taking a life), I squash the ants in the napkin and throw them in the garbage.  I don’t want to see them.  I don’t want them cohabitating with me.  I don’t want them near any food.  Perhaps they are not hitchhikers.

Day 3: The ants are not hitchhikers.  I know this fact because I see a few more ants.  Maybe a dozen?  How many ants are around that I haven’t seen?  I’m not in the kitchen/dining room all the time.  I think of the old adage, “When you see one cockroach, there are hundreds more.”  While these aren’t cockroaches, I don’t want to think about how many ants could possibly be in my house.  I want to un-know that there are ants in my house.  I go to the store and buy some ant bait.  The idea is that the ants will take the bait, take it back to their anthill, feed other ants in the anthill, and all the ants will die.  That’s what I want.  Again I ignore the first precept of Buddhism.  Well, maybe I don’t ignore it.  I acknowledge it and decide in this case, the ants can die.  I think more about where the ants may have come from.  Perhaps when I deep cleaned in the basement and took away the spiders, the natural ant predator was removed.  Perhaps they are just in an ant hill outside.  It’s spring after all, perhaps they decided my beautiful backyard is a great place to set up a home.  Heck, I like it here, why wouldn’t the ants?

Day 4: The ants are now on the original blue wall.  They are also on the backside of the counter space with cabinets.  I just saw one on an inside wall.  I saw one by my washing machine.  I moved one of the 4 ant traps to the floor by the washing machine.       I realize that things could get worse before they get better.  Maybe the bait traps are attracting more ants.  But I didn’t have an ant trap by the laundry room.  I notice my skin is crawling even more.  Is there an ant on me?!

Day 5: I watched 1 ant crawl all around the original blue wall.  He seems confused.  Maybe it’s a she?  I watched intently hoping to see the exit/entry point.   He/she traveled the length of the floor from the dining room into the living room and back. Along the way he/she ran into friend.   As they returned to the dining room they ran into their third friend friend.  Soon I saw a fourth ant. My hopes for only seeing one ant today were dashed.  Honestly, watching the ants was kind of like watching paint dry.  So I gave up, sort of like accepting this other set of lives in my home.  When I find ants in the dishes or in my food, my attitude might change.  

Day 6: Like yesterday, I woke up to no ants.  I was hopeful.  I thought, “Maybe the bait traps are working.  Maybe the ants have decided my house isn’t the dream house they were looking for.”  Then I saw it: an ant in my bedroom. It was on an inside wall next to the laundry space.   That’s where I had seen an ant on day 4 by the washing machine.  Maybe it was the same ant?  I killed it.  Again, I am not following the first precept.   So what?  Do I want ants in my bed?  

Later in the morning : 4 ants crawling in the dining room on the back of kitchen cabinet space.  Were these ants here before?  Am I not noticing the ants I don’t want to see?  How long do I wait for this bait to take hold before I call an exterminator?

I really don’t want to call an exterminator.  Why?  I like to think my problem is just a few ants.  I like to think I can fix this problem.  Needing help means I am a failure, or sort of a failure.  I don’t want to be perceived as “dirty.”  I don’t want to be told, “if you see 4 ants, there are thousands.”  I don’t want to be told I need monthly visits to keep bugs at bay.  I will wait another day or 2.  A long as I don’t see ants near food or my bed, I will wait.

Later on Day 6: I went to start cooking my lunch and there they were.  Three ants were crawling on the outside of my kitchen cabinet IN THE KITCHEN.  I was done.  I was done waiting for the ants to take any bait.  I was done shaming myself into not calling an exterminator.  Any minute now these ants could be in my cabinets, touching my plates or eating my food.  I WAS DONE.  I called an exterminator.  They said someone would be at my house by 3 PM.  Wow!  Lucky day!

So, it turns out the ants are Carpenter Ants.  Aaron the exterminator from A-1 (a shout out to a great group of folks) told me so.  They aren’t the run of the mill ants you see at picnics, or the ants I thought were going to eat my groceries.  These ants were no reflection on my cleaning skills or my neatness in the kitchen.  They were just ants.  Luckily, I did call on day 6, because the bait traps probably wouldn’t have helped to keep the ants at bay.  I have a lot of wood furniture, wood cabinets, and wood in my walls that these critters would enjoy.  Hopefully my quick call would put an end to their dining experience.  

I realize I didn’t exactly follow the first precept of Buddhism.  Hell, I didn’t follow it at all.  I caused a genocide of Carpenter Ants.  Sadly, I couldn’t talk with them and kindly discuss why they should leave.  I am aware though.  I’m aware I killed all their little industrious bodies.  I am aware that having ants in the house, I didn’t freak out quite as much as I did with the rodent in the fountain.  Perhaps I’m getting a little more accepting of cohabitating with other creatures for a bit.