Too Much?

My world is opening up.  I mean REALLY opening up.  I’ve been on airplanes, to concerts, to parties, and gathered in person with my sangha.  In the last a couple of months, I’ve visited with all of my children.  I’m happy that things are more “normal” for me.  This time last year, I was out and about hiking, doing some outdoor visits with friends, but nothing to this extreme.  Life was a bit slower.  I found a number of online activities I could enjoy, but not very much was happening in person.

Now things are different.  I noticed this big difference right around the 4th of July.  I went to an outdoor party.  We swam in a pool.  The next week, I had an eye doctor appointment, a hike with a friend, and a group came and removed the sangha cushions from my house.  The next week was a blur.  On one day alone I had: a drive up to my old neighborhood (40 miles away) for an early morning hike, a haircut, and a bookclub in the old neighborhood.  Then I rushed home, changed, and drove out to Park City (25 miles another way) to go to an outdoor concert.  That was just ONE day.  Other days that week were similar with hikes, a wildflower festival, another bookclub, a live sangha event, an outdoor yoga class, dinner with a friend, and probably other things I don’t even remember.  Essentially my week was stacked and packed.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I love the socializing.  I love the doing.  I love the mountains.  But it’s been a long time since I pushed my body into so many different activities.  My poor body wasn’t used to so many events.  By Monday night after this crazy week, my body was kind of pissed.  Suddenly, right before my favorite yoga class, my body was sporting a massive headache.  Did I listen?  Did I say, “Hey body, thanks for that info.  I’m going to chill out.”  Nope.  I pushed on that evening too.  The next morning?  I was sick as a dog (what is a sick dog anyway?).  My body was like a young child that you take out shopping.  After too much shopping that kid does not want to go anywhere.  I was sporting a nasty head cold.  My head felt like it was 2 or 3 times its normal size.  My body?  Well it just wanted to lie in one space.  I got up, had some juice, and went back to bed.  For the next couple of days that is all I did.  I slept for hours.  When I was up, I was watching Netflix.  Let me tell you, the final season of “The Good Place?”  It’s really good.  Other than that I don’t have much to share about those couple of days.  All I could do was lie around.

Luckily, after a couple of days, I came back to being myself again.  I felt more like doing things.  I slowly added activity back into my days.  And then I started to do it all again.  3 parties in 3 nights.  Teaching a yoga class.  Leading the sangha when our Sensei was away.  Running a coffee gathering.  I was back to doing all those “things.”  Had I learned anything from the previous week?  Didn’t I realize I was getting too “into it” again?  

I think after all of that down time, it’s hard for me to refuse events.  Who am I kidding?  It’s always been hard for me to say “no.”  I like being around people, helping people, trying new things, and doing things I like.  I don’t like dealing with “FOMO.”  That said, FOMO is my own creation.  I mean, I create that suffering when I worry I’m going to miss something.  So it’s okay for me to say “no.”  It’s just...different.

When I think about my life 15 years ago, it is a blur.  I was working full time, managing 3 children, and trying to fit a social life into my life.  These days, my life is much more my own.  Retired, children grown, I should be able to just “chill.”  But that isn’t my style.  My body seems to feel differently.  My body is telling me to slow down.  I can’t help but wonder how my body felt when I was running on all cylinders because I had to.  What was my body feeling when I was a mom, working full-time, and I was trying to move my family to England?  Or how about when I was working 60 hours a week to meet a customer deadline?  Or that time when I was a mom, working full-time, and running a girl scout troop.  What was my body saying then?  Looking back, I don’t really know.  Sadly, I didn’t really listen to my body back then.  

Thinking about it, I’m not sure my body will ever be used to so many different events.  I spent a good year in a slower mode, and I think my body enjoyed that.  I spent more time in introspection and awareness.  Perhaps what my body wants is for me to schedule some “body time” to reflect and recharge.  I’ll be giving some thought to that this week as I get ready to do a whole bunch more activities.