And back up again
The wake up alarm for the hike up the canyon day was at 5 AM. By 5:30 AM we would be eating in the dining area and by 6 AM we would be on the trail. My brain, nervous about the day ahead and my body, sore from the days before chose to get up at 4:45 AM. This result wasn’t all bad. I took the opportunity to slip out of the cabin and head out into the darkness. I saw the Milky Way as I had never seen it before. Looking up at all those shiny and blinking lights I could not remember any of the star map that my friend had shared that explained what star is what. But what I did see was the consistency and enormity of the sky. No matter what happened on this day those stars would be there night after night.
I went back into the cabin and made sure everything I had brought in was packed up. We weren’t coming back to the cabin so all of my items needed to be stowed away and carried to the dining room. This task would provide me one benefit on the walk to the dining room- I would get to use my hiking poles! No one would see me as weird or wimpy with hiking poles when I’m carrying my entire pack in preparation for departure.
Breakfast was pretty solemn on this day. I don’t know if it was everyone’s pending hike or the fact that it was 5:30 AM or maybe because it was still dark outside but folks didn’t seem as jovial as they were the day before at 7 AM breakfast. We finished up breakfast pretty quickly and headed out for our 9.5 mile, 4400 ft. rise hike. I kept thinking to myself that it was just a day and that I’d lived through other challenging days (3 childbirths, one divorce request, the deaths of my parents, etc.). I loved hiking too, so I felt I should keep that reminder somewhere in my mind. At first, our hike meandered around the Colorado River. The view was beautiful while the trail was a little up and a little down. The downs while small, continued to be a challenge for me. We hiked through sand, similar to the the ever shifting sand on a beach, and that was difficult. A ways through I was woefully behind the rest of the group. I noticed that we seemed to be the only ones on the trail at this hour. So not only were we alone, but I was even more alone at the end of the pack. After a bit more I noticed our guide waiting for me. When I reached him he said, “You know, you are lagging far behind. I can’t manage keeping track of the group if you are going to be so far behind”. “I understand”, I replied. I felt ashamed. Not only was hiking dead last I was putting myself and everyone else in danger with my pace. I stepped it up a bit so that I was now hiking closer to the crowd. A short while later we reached our first stop- 2 miles up the mountain and a little primitive toilet. I felt pretty good. I was now 7.5 miles from the top and so far the hike wasn’t too challenging.
It was amazing how good I felt after that little stop. It was as if any shortness of breath or overheating was gone. My heart rate was back to normal. Off we went to our next stop. Again, I was at the back of the line. This time at least I could see everyone from our group ahead of me. The marathoner kept stopping to take pictures so I didn’t feel like I was too far behind. I didn’t stop to take any pictures though, I was afraid a picture stop would send me back into the far far behind. The trail continued to be different than the South Kaibab trail we took down the canyon. This trail, The Bright Angel trail was originally a Native American trail. There were streams and waterfalls that cut through the trail. A lot of green plants dotted the trail. From the rim of the canyon you don’t realize how much life actually exists within the canyon. Here on Bright Angel is where I saw my first lizard on the trail. Trudging along finding my pack somewhat heavy and my lungs getting a workout I made it to a sign that said, “Canyon Rim 4.5 Miles”. I said to our guide as we stopped here, “Does that mean we’ve gone 5 miles?” “Yes”, he replied. Woo hoo! I had made it more than halfway! I was a rockstar!. Here at the 4.5 mile point there was a water spicket and a toilet, as well as a campground. It wasn’t even 10 AM yet so we were making good time. I felt pretty good. Now that we were at a campground we started too see more signs of life- campers who were either staying for the day or going up or down on the trail. It seemed safer to see other signs of human life. After a short break our guide said we would have brunch at the next stop- something to look forward to!
On the next stretch I was starting to feel the heat of the day (traveling upward turns the internal heat on as well) and I dropped my fleece layer for a thinner nylon layer. As we continued up the trail I started to feel hotter and my lungs were feeling more and more challenged. My legs started to ache again. I decided to motivate myself with the 100 pole count. I would count 100 pole plants without looking up from the ground. In this way I could avoid looking at the rising distances on the trail and encourage myself with the distances I could cover in 100 pole plants. Inevitably I would get to the end of one switchback and lookup and see the start of the next one. The switchbacks started to seem endless. I found myself muttering under my breath, “WTF have I gotten myself into?” and “Holy F**k”, more times that I can count. When we finally got to the 3 miles from the rim marker I was coated in sweat and needed the bathroom. To my dismay the bathroom was actually a hike up to another spot off the trail. It was not connected to the actual trail rise. So I had to hike up to the bathroom just to hike back down. “What a waste!” I declared. My daughter encouraged me to use my poles to hike up to the bathroom because she found the trek up there treacherous. So far she had been in the lead for ALL of our hikes so I took her advice. Our guide decided no one looked quite hungry enough and we were making good time on a mostly shady trail so we would wait until the next stop for our lunch. My daughter recommended I remove my outer layer because it was getting warm. With all of the heat of the recent hike I had gotten sweaty. However our stop in the chilly air (it was probably around 45 degrees) had made me cold so I kept the nylon layer on.
Before starting on the next part of the trail my guide said to me, “you know, I’ve removed a lot of items from my pack since we’ve been snacking and lunching the last 3 days. I can take some of your laundry and put it in my pack”. The idea of going of rummaging through my pack for things that could go in his pack seemed unappealing to me. I didn’t want to bother everyone with a slow down as I went through my pack looking for things to move. In retrospect I realize this might have been one of my moments where I had issues with receiving. If you aren’t familiar with that challenge of mine feel free to read my blog “Gifts” from March 11th.
Off we went up the trail. By now even more people were on the trail- people from the rim looking for a shorter hike were coming down to the 3 mile point to make a turn around. I just kept my head down and kept my pole counts going and my muttering continued. I was starting to wonder if I could make it to the top. I switched back and forth between the internal pep talk of “You can do it! You’ve come so far! Every step counts! You are a rockstar!” to “OMG what the hell were you thinking?” “You should have trained harder!” “You should have weighed less!” “You are holding these people back!” Honestly I wasn’t holding anyone back. They were all pulling way ahead of me. As I looped around another endless switchback I stopped to catch my breath. A woman about my age took a look at my backpack and asked, “Did you come all the way from the bottom?” “Yes, I did”, I replied. “Wow!”, she said, “You’re an inspiration!” Let me tell you- that put some spring in my very slow steps. I was someone’s inspiration! After many pole plants, offensive (but under my breath) mutterings, and 10 second stops to catch my breath I approached 1.5 mile point to the top. Just as I thought I might not make it my daughter appeared. She had made it to the stopping point and had left her pack behind. Like a fairy godmother suddenly the words, “Let me carry your pack up mom”, came out of her mouth. I instantly obliged. I told her, ‘This is the point when you get to ask me for whatever you want. Because at this point I am so exhausted and so grateful I will give you whatever it is”. Luckily she only wanted a Grand Canyon T-shirt made from recycled bottles.
At the 1.5 mile from the rim point we stopped. My nylon over shirt was soaked- I should have listened to my daughter’s suggestion. Now I took the shirt off. Our guide was preparing lunch- a simple peanut butter and honey bagel. I had never tasted such an amazing sandwich before in my life. I was so grateful for the energy. The crowd on the trail was getting bigger- only 1.5 miles from the rim a lot of tourists had decided to take the short trek down. The line for the bathroom seemed endless. Luckily I had sweated all the liquid out of my body and didn’t need to take a visit. It was time to make the last 1.5 trek to the top. I was almost there! I had done 8 miles already that I hadn’t believed could have happened. As we started off I quickly ended up once again in the far back of the line. About half a mile from the rest stop I passed a man and his son. The son was complaining, ‘Dad I don’t want to go another half mile! I’m tired already!” I turned to the boy and said, “Son, I just came 8.5 miles up from the bottom with this pack on my back. It won’t kill you to go down half a mile”. The boy just stood there stunned and the dad gave me a thumbs up. I continued to climb but it was getting really rough. I mean it had been rough already but now it seemed insurmountable. The guide held back and met me as I was coming up the trail. He said, “I need you to know this is the hardest part of the entire trail. These switchbacks are the most difficult ones in the canyon”. Great! You tell me this and you think it will help me? I was already feeling overwhelmed but now I know these are the HARDEST switchbacks? Then he said, “How about if I carry your backpack for you?” You would think I would have dropped the thing in his arms but no, I had to think for a moment. I thought, “It’s a mile up. He’s going to carry my backpack for a mile? Isn’t that cheating? Will I have really done the entire hike if I give him my backpack?” Luckily, I pulled myself out of my dilerium and handed him the backpack. I mean I was still bringing my ENTIRE body up that last mile. I did wonder what others on the trail must be thinking. Here was this woman covered in dust looking like she climbed up the entire canyon but she only had a little bottle of water hanging from the pocket of the jacket on her hip. So is she overworked from a 1.5 mile hike? SCREW THEM! I continued hiking keeping my head down and moving along. After more time, oh I don’t know a half mile or maybe more, the marathoner showed back up. She had made it to the top (heck the entire crew had made it to the top) and she took my backpack from our guide. So now carrying my backpack was a team effort! I had my entire team rooting for me, helping me to make it to the top. I felt cared for. I was finally receiving and it felt pretty good. Just a 1/4 mile or so later my daughter showed up. She had finished her hike and come back down because wanted to walk the last of hike with me. I have to admit I got pretty emotional at that point. About 2 switchbacks from the top we reached an arch. 14 years earlier I had taken a photo with my kids at that arch (it was the farthest point we had reached in the canyon coming down from the rim). I had to get another picture at that arch! (See above). Now I felt I had come full circle in the Grand Canyon experience.
Then, just a few minutes after we took the photo at the arch, we reached the Rim of the Canyon. That was it! My three day journey that tested my legs, my back, and my heart was done. I felt so many emotions. I felt so accomplished, so exuberant! I had come through the unknown. I had completed the most physically challenging three days of my life. I also lived through all the encouragement, swearing, and doubts I had hoisted upon myself. I had MADE it. The euphoria was amazing and this was an accomplishment that would never be taken back. I will always own that I went down to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and I came back up.