Back in Person
Last week, my Buddhist sangha got back together again, this time in person. For 15 months, we’ve been meeting online. We used to meet every Sunday in person. Before the pandemic we were gathering crowds of over 100 people. Those gatherings were a beautiful space for my heart and my soul. Since COVID started, we’ve been meeting online. Every morning, we offer meditation online. Every Sunday, we offer a sangha gathering. This has been going EVERY day since COVID started.
Then we got the magical opportunity. We had an in-person gathering at a local park. I was so excited! I got to the park early so that I could help set up. More importantly, I got there early so I could greet and hug everyone. It was so wonderful to see the faces of people I hadn’t seen in 15 months. Sure, I had seen a lot of these folks on Zoom over the Sundays and at the morning meditations, but this experience was different. This experience was live.
I spent the pre-ceremony time milling through the group and reuniting. The group was smaller than our 100+ crowd, and it was still lovely. It was a healthy group of about 50 people. It almost felt intimate compared to the pre-COVID numbers of March 2020. When the formal ceremony began, I felt like I was home. I listened to the Sensei start with a guided meditation, the same meditation I have followed for over 3 years. Then Terry, the regular voice of the sangha, started to read the sangha opening. When it came time for the sangha to read the group portion of the sangha opening, all of our mouths opened and all of our voices collected together and read the sangha portion. “My body, speech, and mind in perfect oneness.” For the first time in 15 months I got to hear the voices of all the sangha members. My heart was lifted out of my body and up into the sky. My emotional reaction was so strong, I just bawled.
Where was this feeling coming from? I was so surprised to feel such a strong wave of emotion. It was such an intense feeling for me. It was such a beautiful and good feeling for me. After the opening and a shared reading on compassionate listening, we had the opportunity for everyone in the sangha to share their own thoughts and feelings. I listened to those who shared. It was so special to hear their shares in person. I wanted to share how I felt about hearing all the voices around me, and I was afraid I would just start crying again. After listening to a few more sangha members, I got up my courage, and I shared my experience. I talked about how excited I was to see all the sangha faces and then how I was struck by hearing their voices. As soon as I spoke of the joy I had, the tears started coming again. Once again I was overwhelmed with a wave like the ocean. It washed over me with gladness, and as the tears started rolling, I could hardly get my words out.
Normally, I would be embarrassed and even ashamed of this public display of tears. But this was my sangha, and they held me in their hearts as I let the tears flow. If you’re going to cry, crying with your sangha members is the best place to do so.
The ceremony went on. I noticed when it was time to light the candle and the incense, it was just the Sensei doing so. There was no need for me to pull out a candle or incense like I do on Zoom when I am in my living room. The sangha is planning to go back to gathering together regularly in person soon. What will I do with all those new candles and incense that I purchased? 🤪
When we moved into our 20-minute meditation I was nervous. When meditation happens on Zoom, I can stop my video. I can go lie on the couch. I can water my plants. Now I had to go back to the authentic space. I had to REALLY sit for 20 minutes in public. I closed my eyes. I listened to the wind, the birds chirping, the children playing in the playground just past us. I heard a little girl say, “Mom! What the heck?” as she passed by. I wondered if she was wondering what was going on with 50 people sitting with their eyes closed. Honestly, the meditation portion seemed to go by quickly. Perhaps it did. Perhaps the Sensei decided to cut it a little short since he was sitting directly in the sun.
Overall, my heart was filled with unbridled joy. It was such a beautiful and amazing experience to be together with these beautiful souls again. The next week we returned to Zoom, but we will be back in person later in July. I can’t wait to reconnect yet again. Perhaps my eyes will leak a little less.
