Halfway
Here we are! We are halfway through 2021. In past years, I’ve made lists of things I would complete during the year. There was a list of 17 items in 2017 and 18 items in 2018. My 19 items in 2019 were challenging for me. I didn’t get through all the tasks I wanted to, and not doing so I felt like a failure. That seems rather silly. I mean I wasn’t accounting for all of the things I did do in 2019. There were things I accomplished that were on the list and things I accomplished that were not on the list. Any way you looked at it, I did a lot of things.
In 2020, I decided not to have the list of things to do, but then I did. I decided at a minimum I would: hike 65 unique hikes to honor my friend Johanna who died at age 65 in 2019 and visit 12 countries. Since I had two overseas trips planned, that would cover the 12 countries. I figured I had these two goals in the bag. There was nothing stopping me. Until, well, COVID stopped me. I hiked my 65 unique hikes (in fact I threw in a few more), but I obviously didn’t get to 12 other countries. It doesn’t look like I’m going to make it to any other countries in 2021 either. I’m just grateful I’m alive and well in 2021.
When 2021 started, I set my goals low. I focused on goals that I felt were achievable and wouldn’t be impacted by a pandemic. I set 2 goals: hike 80 hikes (non-unique, in theory I could hike the same trail every day) and publish a blog post weekly. I actually started the second goal during the last quarter of 2020. I wanted to get my writing muscles strong, so I started writing everyday with a goal of a blog post every week. Each day I would use a writing prompt to write. Some days I would provide a detailed response to the prompt. Some days my answer would be just a sentence or two. Each time I felt the satisfaction of writing. Some days I would have a set topic in my head such as: the 2020 presidential election, my body, my vaccination, or a special memory. These are the topics that usually became blog posts. While the prompts weren’t a means for getting a blog post out, they seemed to get the creative juices flowing.
Some weeks, I find I have creative bursts. I have multiple blog post ideas, and I write posts for all of them. Some weeks I have gone to virtual writing workshops. Prior to COVID, I was a member of a writers group that would meet at a coffee shop every other week. When I sat down with all of those writers, something magical happened. While we were all separated by our tablets, laptops, and notebooks, we would still create pieces of writing. I wrote a lot of blog post material in that coffee shop. Then COVID happened. That didn’t stop us! We started meeting on Zoom. You might be thinking, “Zoom? How are you guys going to connect your writing energy on Zoom?” Well, sure enough, even meeting on Zoom I felt my creative juices flowing. For over a year, I would log into the online meeting and chat about what was going on in my life and what I planned to write about. Other writers would chime in with their details. Then, we would go offline for an hour and write. One time I came up with over 1,200 words! We would get back online at the end of the hour and talk about the hour’s worth of writing accomplishments. Some folks didn’t write a lot. One man spent the hour trying to keep his kids under control. I still found it a great way to get words out on my virtual paper. Recently, these virtual writing sessions have stopped.
I’m noticing some things happening in my writing practice. At the half-year mark, I’m finding it harder and harder to come up with topics to write about. My creative thoughts seem to be drying up. How did I get here? Back in February, I wrote a blog post called, Judge Judy. In it I talked about how I spend so much time judging myself. After writing the post, I continued to notice where and when I judged myself. I realized that the daily to-do list I was creating was a source of judgement. If I didn’t do what was on my list, I was beating myself up. My internal judgement messages were strong. In March, I decided to throw the to-do list away. I wasn’t going to write a list every day. If I had something critical to do that I was worried I wouldn’t get done, I would write myself a reminder.
Throwing away the to-do list was a gift. It felt so freeing to not have that albatross hanging on my neck. I still managed to live my life, go to yoga, teach yoga, hike trails, and write blog posts. But the “write every day” effort started to slow down. “No worries!” I told myself. I was still writing blog posts every week. Now when I look at my journal, I notice that I am writing on fewer and fewer days. This change is probably what is challenging my writing creativity. I’ve been letting the writing muscle atrophy.
So how do I get this practice back? Well, the easy answer would be to bring back the to-do list. But I feel so much freer without it. I feel less stressed, and I beat myself up a whole lot less. Maybe I make daily writing a part of my morning routine? Brush your teeth, then write. But often I’m headed out on one of my daily adventures. Hmm...I could make it a daily reminder. It’s just one. Honestly, I never even timed myself when I was writing daily. I could write for 2 minutes. I could write for 30 seconds. I think the reminder could help. Additionally, I want to find some good prompts. My journal contains prompts, but they aren’t always inspiring for me. Having a prompt such as “What is your middle name” or “write about your day in emojis” doesn’t inspire me. I think just this exercise of “why don’t you write as much anymore?” was helpful. I’ll keep thinking. Perhaps my writing will come back in gangbusters.
Oh, and my hiking goal? Well mid-year I am only at 30 hikes. So I had better get those hiking boots laced up!
