Mermaid
I have a favorite color. Through the cycles of my life, that favorite has changed, but currently my favorite color is blue. It’s not just any blue; I love a peacock feather kind of blue. I love the deep intense feeling when I see this blue. I love it so much, I’ve added this blue to my life. I have a little bit of blue hair, blue sunglasses (called mermaid frames, but more on that later), and a blue nose stud. I even have peacock feathers in my bedroom. When someone asked me, “What is the color of love?” I told them love is blue and feels like taffy.
As you may already know from reading my blog on ski pants, I can find it challenging to find clothing that I find attractive, comfortable, and well-fitting. Over my COVID quarantine, when I couldn’t go to the store, I discovered an online shop that I really liked. I bought some things from them online and I was hooked. I found that clothing from this store fit my needs and were cute too. Since COVID restrictions have eased, I’ve even stepped foot in the brick and mortar side of this store and purchased some items. Thanks to my buying habits, they gifted me (or perhaps you could say I gifted myself), a coupon for $25 off. The coupon had a limited window for when it could be used, so it was like a fire in my pocket. I had to use it or lose it.
One thing I’ve noticed about this store is that they offer a lot of items online that aren’t available in the store. I get that. Stores have limited space, and if they offered all of their products in the store, they might need more space. Plus, inventory in stores can lag if the customers aren’t interested in the products available. That said, when I’m spending a coupon, I would like to know immediately if I’m buying something I want or not. If I order something online and I discover when it arrives that I don’t want it then I’ve forfeited the coupon (which is really sort of funny money, since it’s not legal tender anywhere else).
So, armed with the coupon in my email inbox, I went ahead and looked at the online catalog for the store. There I found something I loved. I mean I felt like I HAD to have it. HAD to have it? Dont’ I remember the Bodhisattva vow, “Greed, hatred and ignorance rise endlessly. I vow do abandon them.” Well maybe I don’t remember it when I see something this special. It was a bathing suit with an iridescent blue “mermaid” theme. I was so excited. Here was the blue I loved AND a bathing suit. Plus, the fish scale print on the suit would go perfectly with my mermaid sunglasses. Normally, bathing suits can be like ski pants for me. They are one of the things that I dread buying because it’s a challenge to find ones that fit, are comfortable, and I consider attractive. Honestly, tell me a woman you know who likes buying bathing suits? But here was a store that I knew I could shop from and find clothing that would meet my needs. Unfortunately, the suit was listed as “available online only.” Since I had shopped with this store before I felt confident the suit would probably fit so I went ahead and ordered it. But wait! This suit was a 2-piece. I love 2-piece bathing suits because I don’t have to contort my body to get out of them every time I have to pee. The suit was a tankini. Since sometime in the late 1990s, these more practical suits have been available. So, I would be buying 2 items and my coupon would only be allocated to one item. That was okay! There was a special deal going on that you could apply a 20% off code to one of the items you purchased. I used my savvy buying skills and ordered the two items as two separate orders. Sure, this wasn’t very good for the earth, but I was saving money. As a frequent buyer from this store, my shipping charges were being waived.
I went ahead and ordered the two pieces of the bathing suit separately. Then I waited for the items to arrive. Since I ordered them almost immediately, one after another, they were both scheduled to arrive on the same day. As I tracked the packages on the USPS website, it showed that they would both arrive the same day - until they didn’t. One piece (the bottoms) arrived. The other package suddenly showed as “in transit.” I kept tracking the other package for almost a week. Then one day it was listed as “returned.” What? I didn’t return my other package! I never received it! I was frustrated and angry. Why would the post office return my package without even providing it to me? What about my $25 coupon? This was the product I used the coupon to buy! Would I have to re-order?
Even though I was on vacation at this point, I felt that I needed to immediately contact the company. I called and waited on hold for a few minutes. The automated system offered to call me back so I didn’t have to queue. I went with that option. 15 minutes later I got a call back. I wasn’t immediately connected to an operator - I had to queue! I waited over 10 minutes. I was on a vacation, I didn’t want to wait on the phone! I was angry.
When I spoke to the operator, she confirmed that yes, my item had been returned to the vendor. She said there was some sort of confusion at the post office. She said they could send me a new top and that they would price match my original price. Awesome, I thought. A set back, but just an annoyance. I asked to just reorder the item. Well, they no longer had the item in my size. Would I like the next size up? Of course not! I wanted the piece that would fit me!
I had pictured myself in this super cool-looking bathing suit, and now I didn’t have it. It was no fault of my own, right? I was frustrated with the fact that the bathing suit top didn’t make it to my house and I didn’t know why. Even if I called the post office to inquire, would it matter? The folks on the phone were doing their job. They were told that they couldn’t just “give” me the bathing suit top that was returned to them. Even though my address was on the packaging, they could not throw it back in the mail. It was there and I couldn’t have it. That irritated me.
In Buddhism, we talk about suffering. In fact, suffering is one of the main philosophies discussed in Buddhist teachings. We learn that there is always suffering in life, whether it’s a lost bathing suit top or the loss of a loved one. When suffering reaches us, it is as if an arrow has pierced our hearts. That said, how we choose to handle our suffering is the key to how we navigate our lives. When we continue to ruminate and keep ourselves attached to our suffering, it is as if we have received a second arrow of suffering into our bodies. Sometimes we choose to take that second arrow so many times, we become porcupines. My ruminating over the lack of that bathing suit top had become my second arrow. This second arrow was so frustrating!
I continued to track the bathing suit top on the store website. I knew that when my order finally came back into the warehouse, the bathing suit top would show back in stock, and I would be able to order it again. When I saw the bathing suit top was back in stock, I immediately had to have it (there goes that greed again...). I know that I could call and do the hold dance and hope that the customer service person would pickup and understand that I was getting price matched . Alternatively, I could just buy the top off the webiste. On this particular day the top was on sale! A special one-day, everything is 50% off sale. So I chose to just buy it. I ended up paying $1.70 more than what I paid originally. Was it worth it? Hell yes. I didn’t create any more arrows waiting on hold. I didn’t create any more arrows working with the customer service person on the phone. Now the top is scheduled to arrive in just a few days. Will it make it here? Will it fit? Who knows. My hope is in the time that I wait, I become a little less attached to whatever the outcome will be.
PS- It came!
