Short and sweet

As I stick my hand into a container of chocolate covered gummy bears, I feel gratitude for my taste buds that allow me to enjoy yummy foods.  I used to judge myself for food joy.  I used to think that it was bad to enjoy tasty foods.  There were so many rules I placed around food.  I could not trust my body to allow it to have what it wanted.  I would count my calories.  I would judge myself for not having enough vegetables or proteins.  Rather than listening to my body and what it wanted, I would make sure that I ate the “right” fruits, vegetables, carbs, and proteins based on some document of “food rules” that I didn’t even write.  When I was done with fulfilling those requirements, I would eat other things.  Sticky things, sweet things, maybe even things I wasn’t hungry for just because my requirements were done and my calorie count had not yet been met.  

I feel gratitude for my taste buds that allow me to enjoy yummy foods.  I feel in touch with my body and what it wants.  I enjoy listening to my body and treating it with care like a small child.  I enjoy giving my body love and time.  For years my body screamed, “Look at me!  Love me!  Listen to me!” as I ignored her and gave her what others said I “should provide.”

I feel gratitude for my taste buds that allow me to enjoy yummy foods.  When I don’t listen to my body and ignore its requests, my body feels sad.  My body feels hurt.  My brain wants to ignore my body and keep to the program, the external “food rules” that have been unjustly thrust upon my body.  My brain wants to ignore my body’s cues, and my brain gets stressed.  It yells, “Fine body!  If that’s what you want, then that’s what you’ll get.”  Then my brain tells my body to just shove all those foods it wants into my mouth.  Then my body is a wounded child.  It is so grateful to get those things, and it doesn’t know if it will ever get them again.  It grabs whatever it can and just eats and eats.  When my body is done, my brain is angry again.  What was the body thinking not following the rules?  The body feels so ashamed.

I feel gratitude for my taste buds that allow me to enjoy yummy foods.  Through food I can reminisce about fun times when I walked on the boardwalk at the Jersey Shore with my dad.  We got frozen custard.  It felt cold on that hot, humid day.  The smooth lumps of chocolate melted in my mouth and slid down my throat.  I felt a connection to my dad as we enjoyed this yummy treat.  Whenever I see a custard stand now, I think of my dad.

I feel gratitude for my taste buds that allow me to enjoy yummy foods.  Cheese is my friend.  It comes in so many delicious varieties.  I can enter the grocery store and buy whichever ones I want.  When my body has a desire for some protein that is creamy, rich, sharp, pungent, soft, or hard, cheese can meet my body’s needs.  I don’t need to judge my body for loving cheese; I need to thank my taste buds for providing such joy.

I feel gratitude for my taste buds that allow me to enjoy yummy foods.  My taste buds aren’t bad; they are beautiful.  They help to spread joy.  They are in tune with my needs and desires.  I vow to take them more seriously.  And when I don’t, I will show compassion with myself and start all over again.