Every breath you take

(thank you to The Police for the title)

Some of the most powerful things in my life happen without my even thinking about them.  For example, 23,000 times a day I take a breath.  Most times I don't even notice I'm breathing- I'm not talking about the times I am sleeping either.  Every waking minute I take 16 breaths.  Rarely do I realize that- yet without these breaths I just could not be.  Mostly I take my breath for granted.

An interesting thing happened a few months ago when I was at a yoga retreat in Mexico  I was in a yoga class attempting a yummy monkey pose.  If you don't know what this pose is, just think, 'she's trying to turn herself into a human pretzel'.  Here's what it is supposed to look like-

Here's how I feel about it-

Honestly, when I tried to contort my body into yummy monkey I couldn't get my hand to touch my foot.  The reality is I was supposed to be reaching back with the OPPOSITE arm.  It's not as if I could have done the pose with the arm on the same side as my leg either The pose wasn't happening.  My body was tightening up, my brain was both pushing me and saying, 'there's no way in hell you are going to fucking do this".  I was panicked and desperate.  My usual yoga 'bliss' was replaced by thoughts of anger and failure.  I was a yogi loser. 

On a side note- yoga is NOT just the practice of contorting your body.  Their are 8 paths or 'limbs' of yoga.  The first limb is 'yama' the ethical path.  Within that limb there are 5 yamas including Ahimsa which means non-violence or essentially, 'do no harm'.  Often when I think of the phrase 'do no harm' I send it outward to those I connect with and the planet I live on.  However how often do I send the message internally?  How can I work on doing no harm to others when I don't practice that myself?

 Returning to my yummy that was becoming yucky monkey, the instructor came to my aid.  In a voice that oozed of kindness and patience she said, 'breathe'.  Initially my thoughts were, 'What the hell?  How's that going to make a difference?"  But when your yoga teacher who has been practicing yoga for over 20 years makes a recommendation you figure maybe you should take note.  So I took a breath.  This time wasn't one of those 23,000 times that day that I didn't notice.  This time I noticed my breath.  I felt it releasing my stress, my tightness.  Ever so slightly my limbs were stretching and my ribs were opening.  So did I suddenly, magically, slip into yummy monkey?  HELL NO.  What I did do was stop judging myself- for at least 5 minutes.  The result- my leg and hand moved closer to each other.  I was able to channel my focus away from self loathing and toward self love.  It was pretty amazing, the difference that one breath made.

Fast forward almost 3 months later.  I'm still breathing 23,000 times a day.  Rather than ignoring all of those 23,000 breaths I have started to notice more of them.  Some days 23,000 breaths go by without a thought.  Other days are now different.  Often on my yoga mat my breath is the center of all that is.  My foot and hand get a little closer.  My 'ohms' breathe out kindness to the world and also a little kindness to myself.   Sometimes I notice my breath off the yoga mat. The result?  My shoulders move down my back.  My ribs expand.  Time slows a bit.  And I recognize the sweetness of my own presence in being me.