Everything looks different after the rain
Earlier in my blog entries I have written about what a fantastic summer I’ve had. This past summer truly was magical with waterfalls, hikes, parties, sunsets, sunrises, great friends, beaches, etc. With the over performing summer my concern is that my fall will just...well...fall.
I don’t know if that concern became a self-fulfilling prophecy or if it is the luck of the draw but this week as the equinox approached things became pretty shitty. This past Monday (9/18) was a glorious day with a beautiful sunrise and a lovely and warm hike. Tuesday things turned for the worse. It was a cold, wet day. When I woke up I didn’t want to get out of bed. I ditched my plan of a morning gym workout because I reasoned it was just too cold to get out of bed. It was only 9/19 and autumn didn’t officially start until 9/21 so why would I acknowledge the cold and wet weather? This of course led to a drag me down kind of day. I know better than to not do anything physical first thing in the morning. I need that connection to my body that warms up my serotonin levels. Without that level of good feeling in I was eating chocolate to get through my workday and by the time work ended I crawled back into bed again. Wednesday (9/20) was a reprieve. Though windy and cooler it was still sunny. A friend and I chose to sit out on the deck for the sunset and ‘thumb our noses’ at the impending fall. The official start of fall (9/21) was mixed. Cool, but not overcast in the morning turned to cold and miserable by 5 PM. While I had tickets to a local equinox festival I couldn’t bring myself to leave the comfort of my home and the snuggly feeling of my fleece jammy pants. I had intentions for a hike on Friday but woke up to...rain. After a 6 AM yoga class I was back in bed snuggling under the sheets.
By 10 AM Friday morning I decided I was doomed. How could fall do this to me? How was I going to survive? Could I actually turn on the heat before October? I looked at the house thermostat and it read 62, Even my nose was cold. I really couldn’t justify wearing a ski mask in the house. I made the decision to turn the heat on. The heat helped but I was still feeling rather melancholy and desperate. The good news? By noon the rain had stopped! But it was still gloomy and cold.
Around 12:30 PM I decided to drag my ass and my hiking boots out of the house and head out for a hike. I dressed in multiple layers preparing for the cold of the trail. It was in the 40s (I know, earlier in the month it was in the 90s) and I knew that on the trail it would be even colder. I. went to my local- The Rattlesnake Gulch trail. I’ve probably done this trail close to 20 tines over the summer. When I got to the trail head there was one other car parked there. Shortly after I got on the trail I passed the other hiker on the way down. So there I was- alone. What a blessing! Hiking alone is it’s own form of meditation. But hiking alone on an empty trail? That was splendid isolation. As I continued up the trail I had trouble recognizing things, I thought, “Am I really on Rattlesnake Gulch? None of this stuff looks familiar!” I tried to get my bearings. I realized the rain had changed the lighting and the wetness of the rain changed the texture of the ground and the foliage. I was seeing the trail with new eyes (not like the new eyes of my earlier blog post after lasik surgery. New post rain eyes). As I went forward up the mountain I kept turning around to see the clouds in the rise of the mountains behind me. The colors of the leaves were stunning. I can share the view here but it doesn’t do it justice- my iPhone doesn’t have a soul.
As I continued up the trail I started to think, "There have been devastating hurricanes and a catastrophic earthquake in the past month. Why in the hell am I getting so distraught over some lousy rain?” I felt like I didn’t deserve to be upset. But at the same time the sadness was real and I didn’t want to diminish it. I chose to turn it around and look for what I could be grateful for. All Utah got was some rain. I still have my home, my electricity, and when the house gets down to 62 I can still turn on the heat. I continued up the trail thinking about what I was grateful for. "Best Summer Ever. Best Summer Ever" became my mantra. In my head I see waterfalls, parties, laughter, a total solar eclipse, road trips, even a balloon festival I watched from atop a mountain. I began to think about the current week and what has happened. On Thursday I went to one of my favorite yoga classes. It’s a tough class. I’m really pushed to my limits- holding poses while focusing on the 20 things I am supposed to focus on to keep my body in the right place while breathing through the uncomfortableness. Why do I go to that class? Because at the end of the class I feel so good. Do I feel so good because the class is finally over and I get to lie in shivasana? 😜 No, I don’t think so. I feel so good because I feel so connected- heart, body, and soul. Perhaps that is what having the rain is about. When I make it through those struggles where I just want to lie under the covers I push on. I make it through the challenging bits. Then I feel so good after it is over.
As I hiked along the flat part of the trail I started to run into puddles. I decided the puddles were going to help me find joy in the rain. I started jumping up and down through the puddles and my boots started looking like this-
That made me start looking forward to the puddles! I skipped and danced through them. For one puddle I even played The Web Sisters- “Burn”. I tried to film that but the iPhone doesn’t let you play music and film video at the same time. That’s okay- the memory is filmed in my mind. At one point the wind picked up again and I got to dance through a mini rainstorm created by the water running off the leaves. It ended up being a joyful, playful, dare I say, ‘summer like’ experience.
The weekend was pretty harsh on the rain level. But I found some great indoor activities and friends to share them with. I’m excited to see that the next 10 days show no rain in the forecast. I am grateful for sunshine and promise not to take it for granted. Still I believe I will continue to support myself through the rainy days in my future and continue to look for what I can be grateful for on those introspective days. I don’t know how I am going to find my peace with the fall as it continues. I know that dreading it is certainly not helping me. Focusing on the present beautiful day is more valuable than fretting over the future unknowns. That said it doesn't hurt to keep chanting my mantra, "Best Summer Ever". That tells me what I need to fill my heart.