All things in moderation
But what is moderation? Such a challenging question. Sometimes all or none is easier to live by.
At the beginning of this year I decided to create an ‘18 for 2018’ list. This list contains 18 items I would like to do this year. Items on the list include things like- “Hike the Grand Canyon”, “Go to a National Park I’ve never visited”, and “Take an advanced glass making class”. At the very end of the list (number 18) I have “Don’t eat sugar for a month” (this means added cane sugar, beet sugar, or artificial sweeteners not the sugar from fruits, milk, honey, agave, or maple syrup). How did that restriction show up on my otherwise ‘fun’ list of things to do this year? Normally I shy away from tasks that are all or nothing. In my 55 short years on this earth I have discovered that when I deprive myself of something (sugar, chocolate, Facebook, sleep, fruits, or traveling for example) I end up completely CRAVING it. In addition I HATE diets. I think for me, dieting is a waste of time, a way to tell myself I’m no good or I’m shameful for wanting bread or items deemed as ‘bad food’ by some random community in the world. In my current life focus on listening to myself and to what I want I don’t think telling myself I’m not wise enough to make my own decisions on what I can eat and belittling myself by saying I must follow the rules of another is really a downer for me. That said, I’ve noticed that sugar enters my life a LOT these days. I often turn to sugar to drown my emotions- which then allows me to shame myself for eating too much sugar. Wow. Just wow. What a viscous cycle that is. In addition I’ve seen movies, read articles, and watched social media tell me that added sugar is just not a benefit to anyone’s lifestyle. So, in an effort to remove sugar from my life I added that “Don’t eat sugar for a month” item to my 18 for 2018 list. But not eat sugar for an entire month? That seems like an ETERNITY.
The list of 18 items sits on a paper attached to a magnetic board in my bathroom. I see the “Don’t eat sugar for a month” a number of times each day. That said I have tried to give the implications of the task very little notice so that I don’t get too anxious about it. I’m going to be traveling to Bali for 6 weeks this fall and I figured that might be any easy place to avoid sugar. Still, the idea of deprivation makes me a bit nervous. Another option would be to just ignore the 18th item on my list altogether. That idea also frightens me for different reasons. I tend to be a finisher- I will finish whatever I start. Deciding to stop reading a book that I’m reading and finding unenjoyable- that’s a challenge. Stopping a task I’m doing around the house that just seems insurmountable- that’s a challenge. So not completing the “Don’t eat sugar for a month” task seems to go against my personal style.
My daughter is visiting this summer and she has seen the list in my bathroom. She is much more focused on what goes into her mouth/body than I am. She likes to control her environment as much as she can and she works to keep her sugar intake at a minimum. So when she saw the last item on my 18 for 2018 list she jumped on it. We were headed to a big party back east for the 4th of July (think sugar fest) and she suggested that when we returned from the trip that we not eat any sugar for one week. She said I could do anything for just one week. I liked the sound of that shorter time frame and I agreed to the challenge.
I’m writing from the post side of the one week without sugar. I made it through the week successfully. Elminating sugar from my diet was not as scary as I originally predicted. When we returned from our trip back east my daughter and I shopped for lots of healthy alternatives to sugar. There was a lot of fruit in the house, fruit sweetened granola bars, and even agave syrup ice cream. I didn’t miss sugar but I did notice a few things:
- SO MANY ITEMS HAVE SUGAR IN THEM! I went to make some tuna salad and my mayonnaise had sugar in it. I had to use mustard (blech) and then go to the store and hunt the aisles for mayo without sugar in it. Finding a breakfast cereal without sugar took 20 minutes in the health food section. Even in the healthier area of the store there were so few cereals without sugar. Many of those cereals without sugar cost upwards of $7 a box. That’s crazy! Food costs more because it doesn’t have an extra ingredient? Wha...? Salad dressings in a bottle come with sugar. Why do so many of these products need sugar in them?
- By not eating sugar I became more aware that I crave FOOD when my emotions run high. It isn’t just sugar that I crave, it’s just that sugar is readily available. When I am disappointed, frustrated, or anxious I run to food to soothe my emotions. More often then not it’s food that has sugar OBVIOUSLY in it- ice cream, cake, cookies, chocolate, etc. So this time when I was anxious and didn’t have any chocolate to eat I noticed the anxiety and sat with it and acknowledged it more than eating it away.
-Not eating sugar is relatively easy. In fact, I’ve decided to go on to week two of no sugar in my intake. I don’t want to make any early predictions but maybe I can do the whole month without sugar and check that box off on my 18 for 2018 list.
-It’s bringing the sugar back into my intake that scares me. I am thinking about moderation. How much sugar is right for me? How do I moderate my sugar intake without judging myself? How do I learn to trust myself in my food choices and honor my emotions rather than feed them? That’s the hard stuff. Removing sugar from my intake was relatively simple.
My daughter keeps asking, “Do you feel better now? Do you feel your cravings going away?” I don’t know that I ever had any actual sugar cravings. I think I’ve learned that I am not really addicted to sugar. What I have recognized is an interest in hiding from my feelings. I discount them as invalid, I think I am undeserving of feeling them. So if sugar elimination helped me to see how I hide my emotions then sugar elimination may be a good thing for now. We’ll see what I learn in week two.